July 4th weekend Everyone seems to look forward to it; time off work, family gatherings, good food. To me, it's truly the kick off to summer and typically, I enjoy having long quiet days to enjoy being with my family and friends.
This year, the holiday was longer than usual, as it landed on a Friday, making for a long weekend. But instead of enjoying the free time, I found myself feeling irritable and well...unsettled.
It got me to thinking about past summers and why I think I have a tough time with holidays, vacations and the unstructured days that go with them. Bingo! "Unstructured" being the operative word. Those of us with ADHD or with family members who have ADHD, know that what we need most is pretty much the opposite: structure!
In analyzing why the long weekend was almost as stressful as a regular work week, I came up with the following reasons:
- My sleep habits shifted- staying up too late and sleeping in too late.
- Eating habits changed. Sleeping in meant eating a later breakfast, which then interfered with the entire day's meal schedule. Dinner was often late at night, thus disturbing my sleep.
- Without a work schedule to keep me on task all day, my free time was disorienting. For most people, this time off would be considered a true vacation. For me and others with ADHD, it can become confusing and upsetting.
- My daughter and her boyfriend, who I love beyond words, were in from out of town. Having house guests, even if they are family, are triggers for me, as it pushes me out of my regular routine. Whereas I'm often using the computer late at night, working or researching, my office was used as a temporary guestroom. Again, a change in my normal schedule threw me off.
- I don't exactly hide the fact that I don't do much cooking or entertaining. It's beyond the scope of coping with my brand of ADHD. To me, even ordering in Chinese food is a major accomplishment when entertaining friends or house guests. This year, I bit the bullet and hosted a BBQ for 7. Even with the help of my family, I was still stressed. There was food to purchase, the house to clean/declutter, prepping, cooking, serving, and of course, the dreaded cleanup. This is fun? Not for me.
What should have been a free, relaxing long weekend was anything but that. Why? Because my routine was interrupted.
I've heard from countless adults with ADHD who have shared the same exasperations. The family vacation they look forward to ends up being a disaster. Children are unruly, unhappy and worse. Adults become irritable, angry and bored.
It's important to "see it coming." If you have a change in your routine coming up, whether it's a family vacation, children being home from school with too much free time; family reunions or any other disruptions, note to yourself how you've felt in the past under these kinds of conditions.
Do you get overwhelmed? Bored? Short fused? Do your children with ADHD exhibit more behavioral problems? Are they more demanding and irritable?
Take your summer "temperature" and become aware of how free time can affect you and yours and determine what steps you can take in order to make this a positive experience instead of a stressful one.
Don't accept that free time or vacation time always translates into fun time. Take your family's ADHD into consideration well before that long holiday weekend or vacation time comes up, and use strategies to make things work for you and your ADHD.