I can’t help burying my nose in the bouquet of flowers, even though dahlias have very little scent. I arrange the deep purple blooms in a vase, placing them on the small table between my hallway and living room so I can see them from almost anywhere in my small apartment. For the next several days as they open, exuberantly transforming into bursts of petals, they pull me out of tasks and pain, making me stop, just for a moment, to simply enjoy. My mother taught me to buy myself flowers, long before Miley Cyrus sang about it, and this has become a perennial go-to little treat, making my heart happy on repeat. But it’s not just about flowers. These small moments of indulgence brighten up my life, and I use these little treats as one of my coping strategies for rheumatoid arthritis (RA) and chronic pain.
If you have been on social media in the last little while, TikTok especially, you know about the Little Treat movement. Posts and videos show people buying themselves a little treat as a reward or a comfort. An article in Psychology Today says that this type of positive reinforcement can help motivate us and boost dopamine levels, which is part of how our brains feel pleasure. Additionally, using this kind of reward can help us work toward a goal, as well as feel better mentally. And that can be a great tool when chronic illness and pain get in the way of your physical and mental health.
Like most of us, I have often bought myself a little something since I started making money. A chocolate bar during PMS, a cute notepad to make work a little more interesting, or a mug with a funny saying for my morning coffee. But back then, I didn’t consciously use it as self-care or part of my mental health toolbox. That is, until the day I jokingly asked my doctor why only their child patients got stickers after getting an injection. She laughed, but did not give me a sticker, so I took the reward into my own hands and bought a bag of chips in the nearby drugstore. It made me feel much better about getting poked.
Ever since, I’ve deliberately used a little treat as a form of self-care. If I have a difficult medical appointment or a painful procedure, I get through it by imagining what I’ll use as a reward for being brave—will it be a delicious pastry, planner stickers from my favorite stationery store, or a visit to the plant store? If I’m pushed past all my limits and angered my RA so much that I need to sit quietly for several days, a new e-book could lend me both comfort and company for the duration. On days when I’m tired and my brain fog makes it hard to think, completing an article could warrant a reward as well (I am eating a few squares of delicious dark chocolate as I write this).
A little treat can get you through hard times with your RA, stressful weeks at work, or buoy you through intense family gatherings (say, the holidays). To me, they serve as a reward, as a carrot on a stick to motivate my flagging spirits to keep going, but also as a moment of quiet. It’s a gift of momentary mindfulness that allows you time to acknowledge that what you’re doing is difficult or stressful, and then deliberately choose to comfort yourself for adulting through it. Call it self-soothing, if you will.
There is nothing wrong with treating yourself whenever you feel the need, but I do try to monitor how often this happens. I’m aware that it’s easy to slip from small indulgences to a lifestyle of spoiling myself. Arguably, there’s nothing wrong with that, either, provided your budget allows for it, but mine does not. I budget for my regular expenses, including a hefty chunk for medication, and then set aside money for savings and emergencies. Then I look at whatever is left and assign a treat budget for the month. Sometimes, it allows for a weekly chocolate bar, at other times I might be able to afford a new fountain pen or ink for the ones I have. Everyone has their own definition of what defines a reward, this moment of delight that blocks out stress or pain. Maybe it’s a small trinket, something edible, or a fancy drink from Starbucks. But giving yourself joy doesn’t have to cost money.
For years, mindfulness has been one of the most valuable tools I use to cope with RA. I quickly made the connection between the way I feel when I get a little treat and my mindfulness practice. Learning that I almost always have time to take a few minutes for a pause created another opportunity to indulge myself. Stopping to gaze at the flowers in the park or laugh at the shenanigans of a squirrel is a reward. When I’m on a tight deadline, taking a few minutes to cuddle an insistent cat won’t add to the stress. In fact, it gives me space to breathe, enough to find the perspective I need to let go of tension, helping me write better and quite possibly prevent a stress-triggered RA flare. In the morning, the ritual of choosing the perfect mug for the day’s coffee, then holding the cup as I plan my day warms my stiff hands and is a comfort, even more so on days when it’s difficult to get my body going.
I don’t know anyone who doesn’t love getting a present, but you don’t need to wait for someone else to think of you. Instead, giving yourself a little treat, be it tangible or simply carving out time just to be, serves as a gift that makes you feel treasured, comforted, and acknowledged. When RA interferes with your emotional or physical peace, those little moments of being nice to yourself can make a tremendous difference in how you cope. So go on. Treat yourself!