How Helping Others Helps You

It seems as though the entire world is struggling right now. Rates of depression, anxiety, and suicidality are soaring. And it’s not just us adults who are suffering.

According to a February 2023 report from the CDC, we’ve also got an adolescent mental health crisis on our hands.

To make matters worse, there is a shortage of mental health care providers to address this growing need, and in the US, many who need it most lack access to mental health care. (Recent data from Mental Health America, the nation’s leading community-based nonprofit dedicated to addressing the needs of people living with mental illness, reports that more than 11%, or 5.5 million people with mental illness, do not have access to care.)

Clearly, we have work to do. But the outlook isn't hopeless for people struggling with their mental health. Affordable therapy resources exist. Emergency hotlines and chatlines, including the year-old 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, are there when you need them. And experts see real value in diet, exercise, and stress relief when dealing with mental health conditions.

One perhaps surprising way you can make yourself feel better—according to science—is to help someone else.

Taryn Fernandes, MD, a supervising physician at MEDvidi (an online mental health treatment center), explains, “Studies have shown that helping others can decrease cortisol, the stress hormone, while increasing oxytocin, related to positive social interactions and generosity.” She continues, “Additionally, acts of kindness can lower stress levels, promoting feelings of happiness, calm, inspiration, and generosity. These factors improve mental wellbeing, reduce depression and anxiety symptoms, and sustain mental health by fostering social interactions.”

Imagine you are on your way into the post office, juggling five packages and contemplating how you’ll get the door open (never mind making a second trip!). Then someone notices you. He holds the door open and takes two of the boxes over to the counter for you. This stranger just made your day. So, you thank him for his kindness and guess what? It turns out, helping you makes him feel good, too.

This whole exchange takes less than a few minutes, yet those good feelings may last much longer. The reason is that doing something nice for someone releases a feel-good hormone (oxytocin) in your brain.

Asma Rehman, LPC, founder and director of the Grief Recovery Center in Texas, explains, "As human beings, we are wired to be social creatures, and helping others is a fundamental aspect of our social nature. Other research has shown that altruistic behavior can activate the reward center of our brains and reduce stress levels, leading to a sense of fulfillment and well-being.”

While doing an act of kindness can make a person feel good for a few minutes or hours, repeatedly engaging in acts of altruism can be a powerful tool to enhance mental health.

“Much like exercising, the ‘high’ (of an altruistic act) will be most potent during and immediately after the act, which causes this pleasurable chemical experience,” explains Erisa M. Preston, PsyD. “The ‘high’ will dissipate—within minutes (in the case of oxytocin) or up to a week from when the chemicals were released in the body. To have continuously elevated moods that rely solely on this immediate effect, a person would have to do altruistic acts frequently to maintain the biochemical 'bump.'”

Stephanie Barca, LMSW and board member of the Children’s Kindness Network, explains, “Mindfully helping others is empowering. It recognizes your place as a citizen of the world who can make it better with the resources you have. It indicates that you have the time, energy, or money to give to causes you believe in.”

Helping others can allow you to step out of your feelings for a while. Working with a charity or helping out a neighbor who needs assistance can provide distraction. Explains Preston, “In psychological terms, focusing on others helps reduce rumination or intrusive thoughts about the stressors in your life and allows you to shift your focus onto something you feel more capable of handling at that moment.”

Neuroscience has found that by positively impacting others, people can feel an improvement in their personal well-being.

“Focusing on our friend's suffering may enable us to be grateful for the things in our life that are not perfect, but we still have time to try to resolve them,” says Preston.

So how can people get the most psychological benefit from altruistic actions? That depends on the individual. Preston explains: “The acts that most impact you will be different for every person depending on what your resources—both internal and external—are and your capacity for expanding them.”

Internal resources are traits like patience, intelligence, general coping skills, overall resilience, and feelings of hopefulness or optimism. External resources are more quantifiable and include the amount of time you have and your financial means.

Start small. Editorial board member and psychiatrist Michael McGee, MD, recommends taking a look at how you are living your life to assess areas where you can cultivate generosity in yourself.

“Consider how you spend your time and how you spend your money,” Dr. McGee says. “If you overindulge in watching too much TV (and many of us do), maybe you can attempt to watch 30 minutes less each week and devote that time to doing something for others.”

How we spend our money reflects our values, Dr. McGee explains. “So, if you are spending money unnecessarily on things that don’t promote survival or basic comfort and convenience while others around you go without basics, it might make sense to evaluate how you could cut back there and use the money to be help someone in need. Remember generosity begets joy.”

If you are on the lookout for them, you’ll notice countless opportunities to help others every day. Here’s a list of ideas.

Volunteer

Volunteering your time to a specific charity that is meaningful to you is an obvious choice and one that works best for many. But Barca says there are self-serving benefits, too. (And there’s no shame in that!)

“Volunteering in person offers the chance to meet like-minded people and see the impact in real time. Charity work can broaden our horizons and offer a different perspective on the world,” she explains.

Making a financial contribution to a worthy cause has mental health benefits, as well. The idea that somehow “just giving a check” is less altruistic or not as truly giving is misguided, says Barca. “My father used to say, ‘The go-ers go because the senders send.’ When donating funds, feel the warmth you have for the cause and imagine your gift's impact.”

Gifts of Love

Dr. McGee says generosity can be defined broadly. “Generosity doesn’t need to involve giving away our money or possessions. We can generously give our time, attention, and affection to others. We can give our hope, empathy, understanding, and forgiveness in ways that are meaningful and make us happy.”

Family members, friends, or neighbors can all be helped in this way. Barca says, “Helping people we know strengthens our social connections and provides a sense of purpose and belonging.”

Over-the-top gestures are not required—small acts of caring are often the most impactful.

“Being helpful can range from listening compassionately to a friend who is struggling to sharing your skills and knowledge with those who can benefit from them, such as mentoring someone in their career,” says Dr. Fernandes.

While helping others can boost mental health, overdoing it can undo the good and turn problematic if you’re not careful.

"It is possible to get so caught up in doing good deeds that we exhaust our resources and energy,” Barca explains. “Excessive altruism could lead to co-dependency or people-pleasing behavior.”

Adds Dr. Fernandes, “Neglecting your own self-care will have a negative impact on your mental health. Chronic stress or burnout can lead to changes in the brain linked to mental health challenges such as anxiety and depression.”

The key is to be mindful and listen to your inner voice. Barca says, “Just as mindfulness can help you maximize the health benefits of altruism, it can help you spot feelings of discomfort and unease that may indicate that you are approaching your limits.”

Adds Rehman, “By setting realistic expectations and learning to say ‘no’ when necessary, we can continue to reap the benefits of helping others without sacrificing our own mental health.”

Preston says it’s important to take inventory of what you have, need, and can feasibly offer. That means setting boundaries, which can be uncomfortable.

“Boundaries enable you to be more deliberate and figure out how to help in ways that are more meaningful to you," she says. "When you help willingly, you will derive the benefits of altruism. It's a beautiful and self-sustaining cycle if you do it well.”

On the other hand, we all know people who like to make everyone aware of their benevolence.

“True generosity should not involve the ego,” Dr. McGee says. “Be mindful of the narcissistic vulnerability to feel we are special because we are so generous or so loving. This is a trap. Generosity is not a worthiness project. It’s about suffering less and having more joy.”

Next time you need a mood boost, try it for yourself. Go to the local coffee shop and buy a cup for the customer behind you or allow the caregiver of a crying baby to jump ahead of you in line at grocery store, and watch the sun come out on a gray day.