The 13 Top Excuses Not to Exercise

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Reason #1

In the winter: It's too cold. I might damage my lungs by going for a walk when it's 10 below zero.


Reason #2

In the summer: It's too hot. I might have a heart attack if I went for a walk when it's almost 100 with humidity of 90%.


Reason #3

When it's too hot or too cold, I'd go to the gym except that the closest gym is about 20 miles away, and I'm trying to save the planet by conserving gas.


Reason #4

I'm trying to form a Senior Lacrosse Team, but I can't seem to work up any enthusiasm among my friends.


Reason #5

I'd use my treadmill except I gave it away to a man who had just had a heart attack, and I figured he needed it more than I did. No sacrifice too great.


Reason #6

I'd ride my bike if the tires weren't flat.


Reason #7

I'd play tennis, but the tennis racquet I bought in 1955 seems to be in less-than tip-top condition and I don't have a tennis court.


Reason #8

I'd go out and weed the garden except the Black Flies take hunks out of my skin that could become infected and never heal, mosquitoes carry encephalitis and West Nile Fever, and ticks carry Lyme disease.


Reason #9

I'd go swimming, but the local swimming hole has become "clothing optional," and I feel it would be a form of cruel and unusual punishment to expose the public to my unclothed body.


Reason #10

I'd use the stair-stepper that used to be on my front porch, but I figured just lifting the thing into my pickup from the roadside where it saw with a big FREE sign, and then lifting out out again, dragging it to the porch, and getting it up there was enough exercise for about a year.


Reason #11

I'd spend a happy hour lifting heavy weights but the dog ate the instruction manual. Or I'm sure he would have if I owned a dog.


Reason #12

I was planning to exercise this morning, but I just took a bath and put on clean clothes, and I'd hate to get them dirty and sweaty.


Reason #13

I could go for a long, slow walk, which wouldn't work up a sweat, but I just read an article saying it's essential for your health to get sufficient sleep, so I should probably take a nap instead.